my pit stop.

The Need of The Human Heart.

2009-11-22T17:33:00.004+08:00

Outward Bound, Lumut, Malaysia.

TO BELIEVE: All human hearts need to have faith in something or someone.

TO BELONG: All human hearts need to experience community and family.

TO BECOME: All human hearts need to grow, stretch, and reach their potential.

//

It's been quite awhile, feels good to be back.

@samuelwee

2009-04-29T01:44:00.000+08:00

Hide and Seek.

2009-02-15T21:12:00.003+08:00

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs

Raindrops.

2009-01-29T23:44:00.003+08:00

There's nothing like it.

2 Days. Everything Changes.

2008-04-22T17:41:00.003+08:00

The Start.

So fast, so quickly, I will be stepping into the next lap of my journey. The season of being a university student passed by with many significant milestones, the good and the bad. I am reminded that these simple entries help me remember. Remembering is important, something that many of us have come to forget.

It has been more than 3 months since I got back from Sydney, honestly, my life down South seems so far away. Yet, on many occasions, I cannot believe I am home. Just a short recap:

What is the best thing about being back?

Being with the people that I care about the most. My family and friends, they make the world a better place to be in. The sensation of being home, there is nothing like it. The taste of home cooked food, driving out at midnight for a drink, and knowing that this is the best place for me to be at in this season of my life.

What is the worst thing about being back?

Not being able to find the people I once knew. I am all for change, as most of the time, good change is equivalent to growth. But not finding the people I hope to meet after a year would answer that question best. Besides that, I miss the care-free life I enjoyed in Sydney, as well as the great friends that I have come to know during my stint there.

Being away and back has to be one of the greatest experiences, to see life from a far and then come back to it, its nothing short than an extraordinary learning curve. The best bits would be learning to appreciate the simplest of life's gift, the company of amazing friends, and accepting everything as it comes our way with open arms.

//

As I enter the working world in 2 days, everything changes. Goodbye to the late mornings and late nights, just-a-call-away appointments, dvds into the mornings, and unending poker sessions. But more than that, it is time to steer towards what I want. To take this season as the foundation of my career, to build a solid ground for the greater things to come.

Most of the time, from the time of our parents, they have worked to put food on the table. We grow up with the ideal that whatever makes more money is the best bet. As much that its a very noble idea, to be able to feed the family more than sufficiently. I am hoping that I would learn satisfaction as I work.

Satisfaction that is not of contentment for what we already have, but that what we are doing with our lives contributes to a greater cause. Satisfaction that we are growing and reaching our full potential for all that we can become. Satisfaction, to know we are at the right place at the right time, doing the right things with the right people.

//

After a long break since December, I am ready for the next step.

They say memory is the new sex.

And the journey begins.

It Happened Exactly a Year Ago.

2008-01-12T21:39:00.000+08:00

Perhaps your prediction was right.

Re-Entry.

2008-01-09T06:38:00.000+08:00

Home.

///

2008-01-08T14:47:00.000+08:00

Heavy Heart.

The Time of Our Lives.

2008-01-01T11:19:00.000+08:00

Sydney, Australia.

2007.

2007-12-31T09:56:00.000+08:00

Reflections.

So long, so quickly, the year went by. For me, 2007 would be one of those years that I will never forget. Its the year where:

Moved to Sydney as an international student. New place, new people, new life. The experience has been priceless.

Joined the Hillsong family. Its been more than a blessing to be with them. There is such abundance when you are attached to something much greater than yourself.

Overloaded my first semester here with 5 subjects, and it has been my best semester academically ever.

I found you, something I never thought could happen once before. Thank you for allowing me to hope again, even when hope always comes with a price.

Jelly and Janggut came to Sydney. The joy of meeting up with people from back home. The excitement that flows from my soul as stories are told. It assures me where my heart is.

Turned 21. The year they all talk about was not as drastic as they claim it to be. But its official, I am a young adult. Cheers to this time frame and all that it brings.

Dad left for Singapore. Although I cannot really feel the impact as I am away. I believe the move was significant, we are growing as a family, more than ever before.

Finished university. I am done with my life as a student. The next steps are crucial as I steer towards the right direction. I choose to head north.

Spent Christmas away from home for the first time. It was different, yet enjoyable, thanks to great company. We did not open our presents together this year.

That goodbye was for real. Can we say hello?

//

It has been an amazing year, with many ups and downs. The final joy of being a student. Many look back at the days where they studied abroad, and say that it was the best of times. I am believing that,

The best is yet to come.

2008 is going to be phenomenal year, where growth exceeds beyond my capacity of thought. The season of the working world as they say, it would be the year where I find my passion meeting my abilities.

//

"Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering."

- Augustine.

For the times when I wondered through the busy streets and could not find me. Thank You for pointing me in the right direction.

For the times when I was alone and in pain, where I could not see the end to the night. Thank You for being beside me.

For the times when I could not bring myself to accept who I am and all my imperfections. Thank You for loving me anyways.

//

Still deciding where I shall go for one of the world's greatest events.

To everyone, may 2008 be the best year of your life just yet.

The 12 Tenets I want to live by.

Lessons from Sydney: #2 Begin with the End in Mind.

2007-12-21T15:42:00.000+08:00

The End.

I do not consider myself an expert in public speaking, but my few experiences of it has thought me one thing, it is always good to begin with the end in mind. That simple task of knowing the end point of our message allows us to craft the script from its introduction, flowing to how the story unfolds and reaches its climax, and the ending that is to resonate with our listeners.

My journey here in Sydney has been like public speaking. In every speech, there are bits and pieces that we need to cut off, as time is limited. We must always focus on feeding the most important elements that would be beneficial to our message. Beginning with the end in mind has helped me to understand the elements that are involved in Sydney's message.

The few experiences of speaking to a crowd have also thought me that not everything will always go as we hope for. There might be technical glitches, or we might forget our script and blank out. Not forgetting that we might have a difficult audience, the worst being those who drain our energy. That is the reason we must always have our guard up, and be present in the moment so that when errors come about, we are ready to troubleshoot.

//

To begin the end in mind comes easily when the end that we perceive is what we want and hope for. It is always easy to channel energy and emotion to something we enjoy doing, to reach our state of peak performance in that arena. The problem is,

What happens when we cannot find the end that we want?

How do we begin something when there is no end in mind that we want move towards? Or how do we end something when we do not want to go there? I have often found it hard to move in those situations, and the only way out is to go back to the start. To the why we have that message in the first place, the reason we are where we are.

//

Missy Higgins was unbelievable, and the land of Kiwis was amazing. Billy Elliot was a great treat, and Tina Arena is next at the Opera House.

The secret to raising smart kids.

Time is closing in.

,

2007-12-15T09:31:00.001+08:00

...@...

Lessons from Sydney: #1 Preparation is Key.

2007-12-01T14:40:00.000+08:00

Preparation Precedes Blessings.

As I left the exam hall, walking in the drizzle back home, a sense of mixed feelings clouded my heart on that cloudy day. I am done with university life. This chapter is coming to a close. What happens next in this story is really determined by the path I choose to steer towards. Mediocre or great, I choose.

Having my 'family' from Melbourne and Perth over in Sydney was a short preview of life back in Malaysia. There is nothing greater than spending time with those you care about. To relate to people who share the experience of growing up in the same environment. To look back, and into the future of our lives, thank you.

//

I said my first goodbye today. It is a start of many to come as I pack my bags for home. It is a time of reflection, for the moments that have transpired in my short stint here, understanding the lessons of life learned and fully embracing every emotion of parting with a life that I will never see again.

Preparation is Key.

Regardless of how blessed we are, I have always believed preparation precedes blessings. Just like a student preparing for an exam, or a tourist preparing for a holiday, preparation helps us to be ready, to be free of unwanted stress. Above all, it allows us to enjoy the ride when the moment comes.

From the simple things such as logistics of the series of events, to the visualization of what is to come, preparation prepares us to be in that state of readiness. We have to ensure we have covered the things we can, and expect the unexpected, as life is never really as it seems. To progress to the unpredictable, the unknown, it is necessary.

Saying so, we must never forget that the moment is far greater than any preparation process. It is how we respond to the situations that require our utmost self that is important. We can prepare all our lives, and never seize the moment when it arrives. There needs to be that sense of urgency that life is lived in the present, not yesterday, or tomorrow.

//

Catching Missy Higgins tonight, and heading to the land down under of the Kiwis tomorrow. I can't believe it is December, just a few more weeks to home.

Preparation is key, but we should never live like this.

I remember.

In Two Weeks.

2007-11-09T00:22:00.001+08:00

Everything Changes.

.

2007-10-28T16:45:00.000+08:00

Time is a great revealer.

Are You Happy Now?

2007-10-23T16:25:00.000+08:00

Seriously...how are you?

I guess that is one of the most important questions we can ask someone if we truly care about them. It is not about someone doing fine as much as we are a custom with asking how one is and expect the usual 'fine', 'okay' or 'great, couldn't be better'. But I believe we should go deeper, and be in-tuned to how we really are.

Are you happy now?

Take note that the question did not refer to our past state of happiness or the perception of happiness we would experience in the near future, but it simply requires the condition of the present. The now that so many times, we forget to address as we proceed on with our daily lives.

Put aside the usual hugs and kisses when we meet each other, the depth of our relationships truly determines the quality of the life that we live, and on many accounts, how happy we are. To question the unquestionable, to find our deepest emotions that ignites our hearts.

Are we really putting the effort to be real?

//

A friend asked me recently about what made me happy and how we could be happy as people, stating that I was a happy virus to her. As I smiled as I was inspired by that comment, if I would to be brutally honest with myself, being truly happy has been one of my challenges for the longest time now.

I wouldnt say that there werent times that I was happy, or that I am constantly struggling to keep afloat at the moment, as I believe that season has come to an end. But there have been times where happiness seemed so far away, that period of the lonely desert storm.

Saying so, I still believe there is a rainbow after every battle.

As Im learning to accept the things that I cannot change, to live with the choices and decisions I have made, being grateful has helped heaps. There is such power when we start focusing on whats right instead of whats wrong. Not only do we generally become happier, but I believe more successful and productive.

Its more of what happens within us than it is what goes around in our environment. Question is, what are we doing when happiness is largely an internal choice?

//

Click here for the best places to launch a career.

Time Is Running Out.

2007-08-14T09:30:00.000+08:00

The Choice.

After a great semester, an indescribable conference, and an amazing trip to Melbourne. I realized something significant.

Time...is running out.

It was good pushing through my 5 subject load last semester, even better meeting up with people from back home during the conference, and Melbourne was KL all over again. Awesome times, and time flew by.

//

I remember the question I asked myself before I left home, and I've been reminding myself of that question ever since.

Who will I become?

Understanding that my time here is crucial as I strengthen the foundations of my life for what is to come, to find the greater One and to learn to love unconditionally. The person that I leave Sydney as would be the person I bring back home.

//

With the mechanism of free will at play, the only true freedom each of us has in this life is the freedom of choice. And the most important choice is who we will become. Most of the time, we go through the motions without much thought.

But it is essential that we choose wisely, as Lewis puts it:

"Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part that chooses, into something a little different than what it was before.

And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, you are slowly turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature."

Like it or not, each choice that we make is significant. Each choice either makes or breaks us. Sometimes, its not just in the bigger things, but in our everyday living. Choices allow us to produce belief, credibility, discipline, reliability, loyalty. The choices we make, determines the people we will become.

As we head for the people we are becoming, consistency in the choices we make shapes our character. And our character is whats left behind when all is taken away. Whats left of us when all seems lost? Who would we be without the things we hold on so dearly to?

//

One of the most amazing people Ive ever met once told me,

THE GREATER SUCCESS OF A MAN IS...
slaying the demons in his heart,
conquering the enemies of his integrity,
loving the life that he has,
living the purpose of his God.

I guess in the months of silence, I've been doing just that. As I come to a close of my time as a 20-year old, closing in on my time here overseas, and ending my life as an undergraduate, the goal remains, to finish strong.

//

To Jason, Happy 11th Birthday. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, you are more than what meets the eye. Know you are destined for greatness.

Shes amazing.

Stupid for you.

To Chris.

2007-06-10T21:53:00.000+08:00

World Class.

World class would be an understatement for a character like you.

It is time for you to spread your wings and fly.

Your potential is only limited to that of your thoughts.

Give nothing less than your best.

Dear Champion of L'OREAL BrandStorm 2007.

Silence.

2007-04-21T12:41:00.000+08:00

It has been awhile.

They say there is strength in silence.

One of the reasons why I've been silent, is to find that strength. The new life here in Sydney has been a smooth transition, but issues of the heart still find its way around me. As I'm finding the way to stand still, I'm finding my way back home.

//

As I've moved out of the busy lifestyle back in KL, generally I've the time to the foundational things that I've wanted to do. Necessary things such as sleeping, reading, spending quality time with people and exercising. But yet, I find myself being 'busy', not really moving on from the life I lived.

The importance of being slow.

For most of us, we enjoy speed. It gives us the adrenaline rush. Personally, I enjoy exam time because its during that period, I actually feel like a real student. The feeling of cramming everything in a few hours, in some weird way makes me feel alive for the moment.

For most of us, we want to win. Winning would normally be determined by the first person who hits the finish line. We strive for the best things in life. We want the best job that allows us to work with the best people, gives us serious satisfaction while being paid loads to do it.

//

Saying so, we rush to beat others in getting there. 'There' would be anything that we perceive of worth, we are in want of instant gratification. May it be to enter the best universities, getting our first million, or finding companionship. We want it badly, and we want it now.

But there is strength in taking it slow. Just as how a body builder is able to bench those 156 kilos, is because he took it slow to break his muscles over and over again.

I am reminded even as I am preparing myself for the next season of life in the working world, that we need to take it slow. To take one step at a time, to enjoy the ride, to sit back and understand...that life is beautiful when we decide it is.

//

To Chris, regardless of the results, know that the world is looking for people such as yourself. Am more than just proud of you.

He was seriously sick live.

More than anyone.

Something About The Unfamiliar.

2007-03-09T09:00:00.000+08:00

Royal Botanic Gardens, Sydney.

There is something about the unfamiliar. There is nothing like it.

The feeling that everything is new, that there is so much to discover, to know, to be afraid of. If perceived in the right manner, the unfamiliar helps us to tap into our emotions that allow us to put ourselves in our peak state.

Many times, the unfamiliar shows us who we are, it tells things about ourselves we never knew. When put to the test, it discovers our core values and sometimes along that line, affirms what we believe life should be.

What do we make out of the unfamiliar?

//

Today marks one month since I arrived here in Sydney. Honestly, it doesn't feel like it's been a month. It seems like yesterday that I said my goodbyes. With the mobile phone and the internet, the world is much smaller than it used to be.

I anticipated that the homesick feeling would kick in my 3rd week here. But it didn't come and I hope that when it does, I'll be able to rationalize my emotions properly. Doesn't mean that I don't miss home and everyone there. It's just been...different.

//

The unfamiliar is slowly becoming my new world and time is passing by as it used to. With the many things that I want to do, I am reminded that

You can't do everything. But you got to do something.

Saying so, I'm determined not to let my time here drift, but to actively choose my destiny. I've always been busy, trying to make the most out of the hours I have, and Sydney life is slowly becoming my life. Just that this time, maybe it's a little easier to find time of solitude.

//

To everyone back home, thank you for being part of my life.
It's been an amazing ride and I miss you.
All the best in reaching your full potential.

Take that X Factor.

I will always try.

Ideals.

2007-02-03T02:18:00.000+08:00

What is your ideal world?

We live in a world where idealism is dead. We have come to an understanding that the world is not perfect, that regardless of how hard we try, there is only so much we can do to make a difference. Maybe just in our own lives, or the lives of people close to our hearts, change is possible.

Saying so, there are issues in our life that we hope only for an ideal.

We want an ideal body, career, family, relationship, marriage and the list goes on. Being the selfish beings we are, we would do anything to achieve that ideal want. In that desperate need for acceptance, at times, we might push aside what we really want, for what we want to have to be an ideal person.

But is it wrong to want an ideal life?

//

It's always important to visualize what we want. Besides the fact that it helps us materialize our desires faster, it helps us know what we want, and at times...understand the reason behind our dreams.

With everything that is being preached to us thru the media, family and friends, we have already a pre-set vision of our ideal life. We kind of know what we want, or what we should want. But often, we forget to understand the reason.

As we fight for the things the world portrays right, not all of us are fully happy when we get them. We let go of things that doesn't seem to be ideal, pushing aside anything out of the norm, believing that something different is unacceptable and impossible.

//

Are we really living our life?

Are we chasing what we really want?

Or are we just fighting for an ideal life?

An ideal life that at times...we do not understand why it was ideal in the first place. And maybe one day we find ourselves wondering what could have been if we chased after the things that mattered the most.

//

With only a week left before Sydney, its been busy.

The final arrangements and the final goodbyes.

All I really want is you.

Can't believe I saw him live.

What's really going on?

2007-01-24T04:15:00.000+08:00

doctorjob.com.my

A friend told me recently that I sound so sad and scarily not myself.

Truth is, I haven't been myself lately. Issues of the heart seems to clog my vocabulary, and I cant seem to fully express myself in words. Thus, having one-liners is the best way for me to scream out.

What's really going on? Most people have asked.

Its difficult to explain, really. With much that is going on, I do not think I'll be able to explain fully. On one hand, I feel very much alive. And on the other, I'm very much dead inside. But in all things, Someone is always at work.

//

For most people, the year should have started by now. But for me, I'm still in the midst of preparation. The year would only really start once I reach Sydney. In saying so, I cant believe I'm leaving in 2 weeks time.

My season here is coming to an end. With every new beginning, there must be a closure of the previous end. This would be my first time leaving home for a long period. A sense of mix feelings as I try to rationalize my emotions.

//

What exactly is going thru me about leaving?

I am happy to go because I know Sydney is the best place for me to be at in 2007. This is my season of growth as a person outside the comfortable walls of my family and friends here. To find myself as an individual there, to live and to learn.

I am thankful that I have wonderful parents who support me in all that I do.

I am sad to go because I know things would progress on without me back here. No matter how hard I try to fit back in when I come back, there would be experiences that I cannot share with those back here while I'm gone.

I am afraid that the people I know now would not be found in a year's time.

//

With the issues of the heart, and me leaving in such a short time. I am taking Whitey's advice:

"Looking back on what I said all those years ago...all those hopes and dreams I had. I've come to a conclusion...that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to...is the measure of a successful life, then some would say I'm a failure.

The important thing is...not to be bitter over life's disappointments.
Learn to let go of the past...and recognize that everyday won't be sunny.

And when you find yourself lost...in the darkness and despair.
Remember its only in the black of night...that you can see the stars...and those starts will lead you back home.

So don't be afraid to make mistakes...to stumble and fall.
Cause most of the time...the greatest rewards come from doing things...that scares you the most.

Maybe you'll get everything you wish for.
Maybe you'll get more than you ever could imagine.
Who knows where life would take you.

The road is long...and in the end
...the journey is the destination."

//

A special someone wrote about him and her.

I guess you'll have to figure out who it is to know them both.

Check Ted out for necessary growth.

in one years time.

2007-01-22T19:02:00.000+08:00

i predict.

that him and her.

will part.

It's been a month.

2007-01-15T19:06:00.000+08:00

As the song goes.

Baby don't worry...be happy.

//

2007-01-13T22:40:00.000+08:00

What do you do when all hope is lost?

When will I see you again?

2007-01-05T06:00:00.000+08:00

When will I see you again?

If I dont come back.

I hope you will remember me when Im gone.

I hope that I'll be in your thoughts, your conversations.

I hope my life has made that difference in yours.

I hope you forgive me for all my wrong.

I hope that life will treat you well.

I hope music will always be in your heart.

I hope you know that I was genuine.

I hope you know that I miss you.

All the times I said I love you...I meant it with all thats within me.

//

.sm.

Goodbye.

2006-12-31T18:29:00.000+08:00

They always ask us to guard our hearts.

But is taking the defensive step the best way to guard it?

Or is it to nourish the heart with things that make it feel alive?

What do you see?

2006-12-25T23:07:00.000+08:00

What you see...is never what you get.

... ...

2006-12-23T18:57:00.000+08:00

They say when you play with fire...you get burnt.

2006.

2006-12-16T18:27:00.000+08:00

Can we finish strong together?

As the year is coming to an end, Ive been reflecting. 2006 has been a very interesting year for me, with many triumphs and tribulations. Its the year where:

I died at 'dooms day'. Maybe because of that...I'm very numb in many ways.

Won the Regional HSBC Young Entrepreneur Awards in Hong Kong. A lil press and media coverage for that. Major confidence boost...thanks Dad.

Turned 20. For me, it signifies entering a different playing field. My teenage grounds were fun, I'm looking forward for this season of my life...the twenty-somethings.

Failed a subject for the first time at Uni. As much as its difficult, theres always a lesson in failure. I'm learning how to embrace it...and I still believe His plan is perfect.

Said goodbye. And for the first time...I guess this is really goodbye.

//

I remember entering the year with 2 main resolutions. And Ive always believed its good to have them. They keep us in check of what we set out to do in the first place. With them, we are able to measure our walk.

For me, this year's aim was to:

Love wholeheartedly.
Finish strong.

I'm looking back the year, and indeed it has been a great year. With many smiles and tears along the way of sunny days and stormy nights. 2006 would be one of those years that I will never forget.

At the end of the day, I want to learn how to love wholeheartedly, and finish strong. I want to live life and know that I have succeeded.

//

Emerson once said...

"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch...to know that even once life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

The many times I fell, and I couldn't shout cause no one should understand, thanks for being there. I appreciate You.

In my victories, I stand in awe for I know I do not deserve certain things that I have achieved. I am grateful for You.

//

In the process of getting my visa done for Australia and enjoying the Christmas season. Its my favourite time of the year.

Online dating anyone?

d=) ;o)

What do you do when you fail?

2006-12-13T05:34:00.000+08:00

What do you do when you fail?

Theres been much going thru my mind the past 18 hours since I took the results of my final examination. I failed one of my papers, its called Accounting Standards and Regulations.

Ive been trying to digest the whole issue. Thanks to great friends, Im blessed for not walking this road alone.

Could it be that I didnt master the subject enough even to pass? But for some weird reason, my whole group of friends didnt clear the paper as well. Funny too, how more than 50% of the entire semester didnt either.

//

This is hard on me, especially when in many ways, Ive always been at the top regardless of the situation or matter. Making this slightly more than just failing a paper.

But I guess theres always a start to learn how to take in failures. And Im trying to embrace this lesson in the best fashion I can.

I know there are many victories coming ahead, but together with that, Ive many failures Ive to learn how to undertake as well. Its all part of life, and in many ways...it makes me more...human.

//

How do you feel? Many have asked.

I feel Ive disappointed my parents, my friends and the people who look up to me. The pinch is a lil harder when Ive always been the one who never fails in the things that I put my hands upon.

But more than that, I feel Ive disqualified myself from being the testimony that I am. It might sound a lil drastic, but I am hard on myself when it comes to these things.

Painful, but theres no secret in dealing with pain. We just got to learn how to live with it.

//

Saying so...what do you do when you fail?

Im trying my best to live by this:

"Forgetting those things which are behind does not suggest an impossible feat of mental and psychological gymnastics by which we try to erase the failures of the past. It simply means that we break the power of the past by living for the future. We cannot change the past, but we can change the influence of the past."

//

If I could...Id make you the happiest woman in the whole world.

I'm done.

2006-11-18T03:02:00.000+08:00

University of California, Berkeley.

I'm done.

Today was my last paper at Taylor's Business School. After being here for 3 years, its time for me to close this chapter. What I have found out during my prep for my finals this time round, is that Ive learn to love a weird studying habit.

2-6pm @ Coffee Bean / Starbucks at 1Utama.
10-5am @ McDonalds, SS15.

//

Id miss those nights where its 10pm and I find myself at the library that serves food and music. And when it reaches 4am, its so quiet you feel alive. Together with the rest of the students filled with stress. Exam period is just exciting.

Id miss the small-time-celebrity-factor that I have at TBS. With my face at a couple of corners round the school, there are always friendly people who go 'Hey are you Sam?' and some even friendlier people looking very friendly at you.

Id miss the people that I hang out with. They make all the difference. From deciding where to eat before class ends to sharing life as students together, I hope to find friends as I have here in Sydney.

//

Its holiday time for me till I leave, this is fun. Brisbane is up first.

Juggling anyone?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

2006-11-13T16:22:00.000+08:00

Disneyland, Hong Kong.

I recently read from a friend, on what he thought of that question. Never have I seen it in that light, and after giving it some thought, I agree with him. What did he say?

//

1. What do you want to be… most of the time, leads people into boxes of convention, to pick some static state, and attach ideas of permanence.

2. …when you grow up Suggests that growth sort of stops at some point. This is even worse when age is assumed to have something to do with being “grown up”.

Amazingly, everyone has been asked that question. In so many lights, it damaging, giving us a boxed up image of the future and a final destination that we have arrived.

Saying so, that question still helps people to dream, and without dreams, chances are, we will get no where. Although it sets a state for us to become, it did not state the type of state that we have to set. Its more in the way we answer the question that leads to our personal growth.

Growing up should never stop, but we do grow out of things. We grow out of finding joy in playing with action figures or barbie dolls by ourselves. We grow out of being naive that the world is a happy place. We grow up, by slowly discovering more of ourselves.

So what do you wanna be when you grow up?

//

Derivative Securities in 21 hours. This is really exciting.

Nobody's Watching. This is pure cool.

Success.

2006-10-16T08:42:00.000+08:00

San Francisco, CA.

What is success?

Most of us grow up with people telling us of how important success is in life. We often hear stories about people who made it big, and maybe sometimes how happy they are. So we go about life in search for this 'success'.

But what really is success? Is it supposed to bring us happiness, or just the perception of others that we are happy, because in some light, we are successful to them? If so, how important is it to be successful? Since it could possibly be, different for everyone.

'We need to know our purpose in order to be successful.'

I heard that sometime ago, and ever since, I've been trying to gain clarification and certainty about my purpose. And Id like to think that I've found this 'purpose' of mine, because its just so hard to move, not knowing where we are going.

//

The thing about us as people,

Most of us know what to do, but we don't go about doing it.

Many times I've found myself deviating from that inner compass of mine that heads north. During my bad days, even when I have the feeling of where north is, I guess the force just as in Lost causes my plane to crash...and not do what I should.

//

Finals are in less than a month. With the many things that would be happening, I want to approach the last 3 weeks of University life here in Malaysia with open arms. Things doesn't seem as easy as it used to be, which comes with its good and bad.

For Sydney, besides my accommodation, I've got my flight booked and paid my fees. Looks like Im really making my way down there in less than 4 months.

//

A new hair-do anyone? d=)

.sm.

I Dont Want A Family.

2006-09-24T20:38:00.000+08:00

Do you want a family?

"I dont want a family."

Ive been hearing those lines frequently the past few months. At first, I thought it was weird. But after having many people telling me that, I think it might just be a norm nowadays. The entity of a family has lost its touch.

Studies show that our main source of influence for our generation would be our friends. As compared to the previous generation, parents played the most important role in giving advice and necessary information about life.

Could it be...that families dont work anymore?

Most people that Ive talked to that do not want a family or kids gave some similar opinions:

1. The world isnt a very nice place, why bring a child in to suffer?
2. Families dont really work, I know mine did not.
3. Reason why the family system doesnt work is because I dont think my marriage is gonna last.

And I guess perhaps because we are so individualistic now, that we dont bother with anything else. I mean, why bother all the trouble of commitment to another person and raising kids when we can live life to the fullest by ourselves?

//

Cant possibly imagine raising a family at the moment. Theres just so much that I wanna do. A cute kid? Sure it would be lotsa fun, but a kid would mean pushing or slowing the many things that I want to accomplish.

But...I want a family.

I thank God for the family Im in. Wouldnt be half the person I am if its not because of my parents and the way they have brought me up, or rather, the way they have showed me how to live. And Id like to repeat that cycle with being the dad this time.

Its not only heaps of fun, but I remember my family as a place where I find security. For me, its been safe here, and I hope it continues that way. At home, I can just be myself and not be worried that they will judge or love me any less.

As the time approaches for me to leave home, Im trying to embrace every moment of it.

//

Ive booked my accommodation in Sydney, and soon the flight there. Would be speaking again at Taylor's College this week, its gonna be fun.

This is just cool.

What Makes You Tick?

2006-09-18T00:19:00.000+08:00

What Makes You Tick?

Some people told me that they have never seen me angry.

Truth is, I do get angry. Just that, most of the times, when I do, its at my family. Why? Maybe its because I expect more from them. My bros get it the most especially when it comes to the things that make me tick. You dont wanna make me tick, or get angry for that matter.

So what makes me tick?

I get annoyed by incompetent people.

Especially when they present themselves all great, then dont deliver. Somehow it gets to me. Maybe its because of the way Im made, I just cant stand them. Most of the time, it doesnt show. Why? Not because I try to fake it, I dont really believe in the faking business.

I tell myself...it aint worth it.

I dont get ticked all the time, cause I dont believe its worth getting ticked. Problem with that, theres a tendency to lower the value of people, believing that they are not worth being angry at. Id like to believe, all of us are of worth. Cause if we are not, whats the value of life?

//

Saying so, how competent are University graduates? Most of my mates, including myself, cant remember what we did last semester. Why are we pushing all for academics when chances are, after graduating, we might just forget all that we have learnt?

Im a strong believer in education. Its through education that a nation will grow. Take our Southern neighbour for an example. They are civilized simply because they have the brains to be. Not until we get everyone to move forward, will we really move on.

But in Uni, its about building our lenses. Its how we think, its how we see things, it forms who we can be. Most of the time, we wont be using what we learnt in Uni. But we would most probably be using our techniques that we acquired to learn what we learnt in Uni in life.

//

One of my angels would be leaving this coming week. Am gonna miss you.

Malaysia's politics d=)

Its A Small World After All.

2006-09-14T13:25:00.000+08:00

Olympic National Park, Washington.

Most of us view the world as we see it. Day in day out, we accept the things that come our way. So what if others are progressing and we are still stuck here in the moment? Its our life anyways...right?

I love going overseas, cause whenever I do, I get the feeling that for that moment, life is bigger than what I usually see. My recent trip to Hong Kong and the United States reminded me, that its not a small world after all.

The world is huge, and we are only a small fraction of it. Too many times, I go back to the way we Malaysians were brought up, I dont question. So what if the system is like that? Its not that anyone can do anything about it...right?

We sometimes...just dont care.

After speaking to the top 10 teams of the Taylor's Business Plan Competition, I took back more than what I went there with. While challenging them to question every rule, I shot that question back at myself,

Do I question enough?

Not questioning leads us to a life where we just accept the norm. And for most of us, when we do not challenge the norm, is when we never live to our full potential. The world is so much bigger than what we experience everyday.

//

I was once told that the richest place on the earth is the graveyard. Buried beneath the soil within are...

dreams that never came to pass,
songs that were never sung,
books that were never written,
paintings that never filled a canvas,
ideas that were never shared,
visions that never became a reality,
inventions that were never designed,

and purposes that were never fulfilled.

//

What are we doing with our potential?

Do we really know what our purpose here is?

Are we accepting everything that comes our way?

Cause its really not a small world after all. Lifes a stage, we all have our roles in this play, are we happy and satisfied with our characters? If anything at all, the ball is on our court if we arent contented.

//

Last Saturday was my first time getting paid to do a seminar. Wouldnt mind doing that again ;o)

Click here for an interesting read.

Afraid?

2006-09-07T02:57:00.000+08:00

Are you hiding under your bed?

While playing 10 questions, a friend asked me,

"What's your phobia?"

I paused, and gave it a thought.

But somehow, I didnt manage to find something that I was really afraid of. I used to be scared of being at high places, but I think Ive overcome that. Many things crossed my mind, and not one of them, Id like to label them as my phobia.

Could it possibly be that Im without much fear?

Then one came up...Im afraid of failure.

Maybe its because of what Ive got out of life so far. Things usually go on pretty well with most of the things I lay my hands upon. Maybe its because Ive not experience failure drastic enough, thats why when I really think about it, Im afraid.

What if I dont make it big?

What if I stumble and fall one day?

What if after all, I still cant seem to love?

Weird, but I was happy that I found something that Im afraid of. Makes me feel abit. And its always nice feeling, cause no one likes a numb soul.

//

Its past 3am in the morning, and the only thing keeping me alive is the fear of Investment Analysis.

d=)

When did you grow up?

2006-09-05T10:44:00.000+08:00

TBS's Business Plan Competition

When did you grow up?

I don't remember exactly when, or if I've reached that stage of adulthood. Most people agree that you get your keys when you turn 21. Somehow, I never really believed that. Does it take that long before you actually get your freedom, which they equate to being an adult?

So I challenged, I wanted out. I didn't want to be just another teenager that went thru the moments of sex, drugs and alcohol. Mixing with the older bunch in church did train my thought life towards taking my place in society. But is it really neat to be a grown up?

After awhile, I found myself getting bored with the computer games, bored of the things that I used to really like. Surprisingly, I got excited when it came to subjects like 'how to run a corporation', 'leadership qualities', 'hitting your first million' and everything else a person 10 years older than me, would be looking at...if they are in their sane mind.

That really got my worried. I didn't want to grow up so fast, I like being a kid. Its nice being free without responsibilities, where I can play each passing day. Knowing that I've always had this thing for computer games, as I even thought of taking it as a career when I was 15, the solution was...I started playing dota.

For most people, its really for the fun of it. I started forcing myself, selfishly because I wanted to know if I can still be a kid. With the rational mind that its a platform for me to get to know people better. It was real fun, for the moment, and many times, as much as I got bored of it, I continued, because...I don't wanna grow up.

So have I grown up?

I guess in many ways, I have. But Id like to believe, that there's still a kid in everyone of us. That life can return to us the feeling of a child when we meet Someone who is really bigger than we are. To know that all that we know, is really nothing as to what is really out there.

//

This week is another crazy week for me, besides the 2 papers that I've to sit for, Taylor's College asked Khai Lee and I to give a seminar on 'How To Win A Business Plan Competition'. Guess its pretty cool speaking to not only my peers, but seniors at my university.

The last lap here in Malaysia is really interesting. And Im trying to be at every moment of it.

One Life // One World.

2006-08-22T12:36:00.000+08:00

One of the crazy weeks of the year.

A quick one before it all really begins.

Whats up for me?

Tuesday

Orientation of Youth Workshop.
Interviewed to intro the Youth Workshop for the Opening Night.
Set up of Studios.

Wednesday

Facilitate 'Prepare Your Mind for Action'.
Run Studios.
Study for Auditing and Assurance.

Thursday

Take Auditing and Assurance Mid-Sem Paper.
Go for Battle at Bukit Cahaya.
Practice for Main Worship Service on Sunday.

Friday

Youth Workshop Closing.
Carnival Prep.
One Life * One World Concert.

Saturday & Sunday

Carnival at Prima Selayang.
One Life * One World Concert.
Play for Main Worship.

//

Guess everything is gonna end in a blink of an eye.

And then...the next chapter starts.

Autopilot.

2006-08-18T20:49:00.000+08:00

Do you like to do it...auto-style?

A huge chunk of my teenage life was on Autopilot.

Come to think of it, I think Ive spent half of my years on sleep-mode. I cant really remember clearly what took place during the early stages of my teenage days. Its a blur, I sort of know what happened, but yet, at times...I wonder how it felt.

Those were the days when I started in secondary school, it was all about having fun. No real desire to achieve anything, besides having a great time in class playing games, I was waiting eagerly to rush to the cyber cafe every waking moment.

I used to spend 6 hours a day at the cyber cafe during the school holidays.

Things didn't really change, least not when I was still in school. Only when I got into college, and realized, man, if I wanna make it...Id better start doing something. So it started off really well, scoring High Distinctions with an ease. I was even supposed to be awarded a scholarship from Securities Commission, that's another story all together.

But looking back, I think my last few semesters in University, I might have gone Autopilot in my studies.

//

I somehow, made myself believe that EVERYTHING is easy, as long I believe it is. And to many extents, I still believe it is.

That belief system thought me that anything can be done, sometimes to the point that I discard the time factor. Guess that's the reason, Ive been on Autopilot. I dont use my brain at times, I just listen as I believe I can take it in all at one go.

Results from last semester proved me wrong. Wasn't the worst case scenario, but I didn't manage to score Distinctions. Ive gotta come out of this Autopilot mode in my studies quick. Sometimes, flying your own plane is always better.

Darn, I might have closed some doors because of what took place. Im up against a very talented and intelligent people all over. The Regional Award only speaks so much. Ive gotta put my act together in academics, before its really too late.

//

But besides that, this coming week would be insane. Ive got these coming up at 1 go:

1. Investment Analysis Assignment Due
2. Assurance and Audit Mid Semester
3. E06

Been having about 5 hours of sleep this week, cant imagine how many I would be having next week. With E06 thats going to drain ALL my physical energy, I bought a dozen 'Red Bulls' to keep me going.

Cheers to all that's happening.

Can you keep a secret?

2006-08-17T20:45:00.000+08:00

Can you really keep a secret?

Whats the biggest secret that youre hiding?

What if one day, everyone could see the real you?

Would they be surprised?

Or would they go, 'Yup...thats the Sam we all know!'?

Like it or not, all of us share some little secret. Big or small, no one ever really knows us. It might be something we put in our heart never to tell,...or sometimes, we just don't know how to share.

Im not sure if I'll ever get to open all my closets. Put away what people would think of you, what if that closet involves someone else? A whole group of people perhaps? Would coming clean be the best thing to do?

In the words of Meredith,

"The truth...it hurts sometimes...so we lie."

They always say that honesty is the best policy. But is it really so?

Thats something we would only know if we really try.

//

On a lighter note, UC Berkeley, the University that I studied at during my trip to the States in June, is ranked No.5 in the world. Now, thats pretty cool. Just maybe, I'll do my postgraduate there.

;o)

Teenage Firsts.

2006-08-16T22:06:00.000+08:00

1 year old Sam.

As I approach the end of my teenage life, Im in the process of reflecting. Oh the many things Ive done in this period. The period where most people learn to love or to hate.

For me, I will always view it as one of the most significant times of my life. It is the season where I found myself, wrestled with God.

And I hope that I would continue to find myself,...and wrestle with God.

Here are some firsts, just in case I grow old and forget:

1. First time running out of school.
2. First time making a teacher cry.
3. First time being a teacher in school. (I somehow managed to bluff those kids! Maybe they really thought I was balding.)
4. First time getting drunk.
5. First cigar.
6. First love.
7. First kiss.
8. First sermon.
9. First job.
10. First 'business' trip.

Do you still remember how it feels to be a teenager?

Click.

2006-08-14T00:20:00.000+08:00

At times, I feel like skipping parts of my day, just to get thru the moment. Cause we all, at a certain point in our life, face sucky days, weeks, months, and even years. God forbid, some experience life so badly, theres really almost nothing to thank God for.

I mean, cant we all just fast forward to the end of our story? Wouldnt that be easier? Yes, we all know that lifes a journey, the media tells us that so often, it seems corny. I even laugh at times when I hear that statement. But seriously, why all the trouble?

We are all going to end up at the same place after all. ...right?

Our long trip is tiring, its so painful at times, why bother? We usually remember the bad days rather than the good ones, the pot holes on the road seems more evident than the smooth tar. If we took a good look around, is life really that beautiful?

So...whats up really?

Today, Im reminded, and no one tells it better than him.

Lap 1

2006-08-10T22:24:00.000+08:00

"A short stop during a long trip for a rest." - Oxford Advanced Learner's

I always thought that I'd start blogging when I settle down in Sydney next year.

Looks like Tony got me to do it sooner, after the talk yesterday.

Welcome everyone, to my pit stop.